thank god for this thing called friendster! =) last night, as i opened my account, lo and behold, an invite from a long lost friend was up for approval. syempre naman, i hurriedly clicked on the approve button and started browsing through her list of friends. and to my luck, three of our common friends were listed so i checked out their profiles and requested them to be my “friends” too. happiness, excitement and fear came over me after that moment because i thought, “what if they don’t want to be found or have totally scratched my name off their friend-list?” nevertheless, i still continued what i intended to do last night and prayed to god that they’ll remember.

today, after my usual morning routine and making sure that the kids are full, i turned on the pc to see if god did grant my wish. you wouldn’t believe this but indeed my prayer was answered. i got a message from one of the three pals i looked up last night and to my surprise, i found out that Marianne had been trying to reach me since the day she left for dubai about 2 or 3 years ago. tears welled up my eyes with what she had written and was touched by her recollection of our good times together. my kids looked at me with awe as they see their mom cry and laugh at the same time (kaya nyo yun?!).

After all this time, I still couldn’t believe that my friends were just as hopeful as I was in finding them. Now that I have established contact, I know that what was once put on hold will now flourish into wonderful and meaningful relationships.

Looking back in time, i could see in my mind all the people who have, even once, crossed my path. some remained to be within reach..others just disappeared. many times i ask myself did i do anything wrong to fend them off or was it just a fact that indeed people come and go. it saddens me to think how life was so great when everything around me was less complicated…like back in high school. I have had my share of friends and foe…sometimes turning the latter into closer friends than those who are originally attached to me. but the questions in my mind still never got answers….where are they now? why have they left? am i not a good ally?

It’s saddening to think that the friends who are nearest me are the ones really “farthest” while others whom i have never ever seen for years were the ones, i could tell, nearest..to me..to my heart. Now I have learned that when you lose something or someone..there is always something or someone better coming. And it proved to be true. Finding Marianne and Mau, opened doors for more friends to be found.

I am sad because of the people i lost but most importantly happy for finally finding the others.

Before you read this, please take note of the following: FIL stands for father-in-law; MIL:mother-in-law and DIL:daughter in law. happy reading! =)

yesterday my MIL celebrated her birthday and as (additional) members of the family, we were present to greet her and join in on the feast. since they (my in-laws) are not computer junkies, i had to be at their place early enough so that two of her kids can call through the pc (one is in Canada, the other US). true enough, as soon as i got there, i was asked to set up the call and after doing so, well, wandered about their place and had breakfast.

all was well up until i was informed by my FIL that there was a little problem at the store (they have a business). the delivery truck was stuck at our home and his “right hand woman” was complaining about my spouse not opening up to one of the drivers. FIL was furious saying things that has been said many times over but were never really discussed between the two (FIL and spouse) of them.

caught in the middle as i was, all i could do was to reassure FIL that his son was not doing it on purpose. of course i didn’t tell him the spouse had a little too much to drink the night before. This started a long conversation between FIL and I which dealt with his feelings on his son not living up to his expectations and plenty more which have been mentioned every time something like this happens.

I cannot say that i totally agree with FIL but i cannot also say that he is out of bounds when sizing up his son. for pete’s sake they are father and son..they know each other better than i know anyone of them. but why do i get this feeling that FIL is right in so many ways. seeing the look on his face, FIL was like a little child seeking solace in the comfort of a person so close to his offspring. during the entire conversation, MIL didn’t utter a word. maybe she knows this already…or maybe they have been arguing and discerning from which side of the family did their son take off from. i could say i don’t care…that’s what i said many times over. but i must admit that I DO CARE!

i could never understand how deep the rift is between FIL and the spouse. all i remember is that FIL was against our relationship right from the beginning. mustering enough confidence and courage, i managed to turn things 360 degrees. now i can say that FIL has accepted the fact that i will never go away and that his son has chosen me and not somebody else. the spouse has always told me, “you don’t know him that well, you’re not his son (or daughter).”

TRUE. maybe i don’t…and maybe i will never get to the root of the battle. but I am also a daughter to a father and somehow my spouse’s life story doesn’t veer away too much from my own life story. i want to tell him so much however i fear that the spouse might think i’m taking sides. i have tried a million times and guess what? we end up fighting ourselves. I love my spouse very very very much. And i’ve come to love his family too no matter what their flaws are. Mine’s not perfect either…I argue with my dad over the simplest things but managed to maintain whatever relationship we have. I know FIL has, until this day and age, his impression of me not being the “perfect wife material.” well, here’s what I’ve got to say: I didn’t marry him, I married his son!

I’m sure that I am not the only one who goes through this situation. You know the feeling when you wanted so much for two people to get along but in the end everything blows up in your face and then they say it’s all your fault?! God! will this ever be resolved?! the answer: I don’t know. i just hope and pray that it will never be too late for FIL and the spouse to realize what they’ve been missing the whole time they were busy outwitting each other. conflicts such as these will never come to an end.

as for me, life goes on..the dishes will never disappear from the sink and the laundry baskets will eventually be filled. no matter where this leads, i will always remain the wife and a DIL…

Having 3 kids is not a joke (many would agree with me on this one, I know!). I can say this for a lot of moms out there. Some even struggle with one. But me, i manage to juggle a husband, three kids and a home. before i used to be a working mother but realized that my children needed more than just the clothes they wear and the treats they get when budget’s not too tight. funny as it may sound but i enjoy being at home doing the usual stuff most house help do. the only difference is that i don’t get paid for all the things i accomplish around the home. but it really doesn’t matter…seeing that my kids are full before they go to school, that they’re homeworks are done and the uniforms well pressed..these are some of the small stuff that bring a smile to my face and contentment within myself. as for my husband, well he works seven days a week so you see i gotta take care of him too.

i never really saw myself in this situation however, as many would say, this might be God’s plan for me. and that i do not want to contest with. it’s hard to argue with SOMEBODY that big, you know what i mean. if my husband reads this, I am sure he’ll be surprised, moreover shocked, because the way i behave in the house..it does not show happiness or contentment. I always have something to say about the clothes not being well kept in the closets, or the dishes washed, or the house kept clean. And when I tell him, “oh, it’s just me talking”, he won’t believe me. However hard I complain, I still manage to get things done around home.

I’ll be celebrating my 1st year being a stay-at-home mom come august and I tell you it’s not that bad. KUDOS to those mothers who have stayed longer than I am and are still staying, doing the same old things day-in and day-out. As for me, I’ll be looking forward to the many struggles, the hardships one mother has to endure. I am a strong individual and I know that no matter what happens, through the many tough times ahead..I’ll overcome them all.